getting our kids to understand win-win situations

Win-win situations take a bit of problem solving. Having an awareness of the feelings of others around you and knowing what it is like to feel sad takes empathy and compassion in our thinking. Practicing this form of positive problem solving with children can be as easy as making a Win-Win Grid.

How to make a Win-Win Grid with kids:
Materials needed: Paper, crayons or markers
The process: Discuss what a win win situation is. Sometimes problem solving can mean everyone feels happy. Discuss how it feels to win something or to lose or have something lost. When creating a scenario we use a single piece of candy and explain that you and a friend are arguing over it. We write down or name all the options the children come up with and see if we can get to win-win.

What the children came up with:

"I get the candy if I have it first." = I win! You lose!

"No one gets any candy because we are fighting." = I lose! You lose!

"Fine! I don't want it because you will be mad." = I lose! You win!

"Hey! Let's break it in the middle, you get some and I get some!" = I win! You win!

Give this conflict resolution technique a try and let us know how it goes for you...

helping children understand body language

Body language is nearly 90% of what we are actually communicating to others. Part of communicating effectively is to try to understand how others are feeling about a situation but sometimes body language and the words spoken simply don't match up. This can be confusing for not only kids but adults as well. Teaching children and awareness of body language, such as facial expressions help guide them toward effective communication and empathy towards others.

Activities for helping children understand body language/facial expressions:
For very young preschoolers we use emotions cards. I will even draw facial expressions on a pieces of paper to demonstrate:
*I show the emotions cards to the children and tell them what emotion is happening, I will tell them a story or experience I have had with that particular emotion. Over the next few days I begin to use the cards at circle times for the children to report if they know of anyone who felt angry, sad or happy etc. and why they think it happened. The children have many stories about what they have felt.
*After the children are familiar with the cards we play a charades game. I child looks at the card and makes the same facial expression, we all have to guess what emotion is happening.

how do I teach children to manage their wants?

Often we focus on thankfullness once a year. But what if we incorporated it into a child's life all year long? We have discussions with children and take documetation of conversations we all have. It is always interesting to see how our desires change rapidly throughout our lives.
This is one discussion we have with the children regularly.

"If I could have one thing in the whole wide world, what would it be?"

"Did you pick something that will help you in life....(how)?"

We keep all the answers in a portfolio and document them a few times a year. Regularly dicussing what our wants vs. needs are help kids to understand not only the difference between the two, but realizing there are many things we are given that we love, and never had to ask for.

how do I help a child deal with stress?

We all have emotions. Knowing when, where, and how to appropriately display certain emotions is part of effective communication. While some emotions are okay to display in certain situations others may be inappropriate, hurtful or harmful when we don't understand how to control them. There are three steps we can use to help children deal with strong emotions or stress.

Three Steps To Helping A Child
Deal With Stress:

1. Think
2. Feel
3. Act

Part of helping a child deal with stress means coaching them to regaining control. Much like a volcano, our emotions can get bottled down and eventually erupt if we don't have the skills to regain control.

THINK= Think about what has happened, what is it that I have done, what is happening right now
FEEL= What am I feeling right now, name the emotion(s) I am feeling
ACT= Using the information I now have, I can chose an appropriate reaction

Reassure the child that everyone has to manage their emotions and work out stressful situations in life. Thinking about how we will think, feel and act will keep us from becoming a volcano of emotions.

teaching techniques for helping kids cope with anger

Anger and stress really go hand in hand. The stress we can put on our body by being angry can cause headaches, stomachaches, even nose bleeds. Learn to control our emotions before they control us takes practice. Here is an easy acronym to help both adults and kids remember how to cope with anger.

The Stress Technique:

S= Step back, take a long breath.

T= Talk it out.

R= Relax. Read a good book.

E= Exercise.

S= Sing aloud.

S= Slow down.

Being a volcano of emotions isn't healthy or helpful when you want to communicate. A fun activity kids love are actually making volcanoes, we often use this activity to demonstrate what happens when we avoid using these stress managing techniques.

Materials: Flat surface (we usually do this outdoors), vinegar, baking soda, a small cup and spoon.

Procedure: Talk to kids about the different emotions they feel, sometimes they feel all bottled up and we feel like we're about to pop. Brainstorm with the kids about why and when they may have felt this way.

The Process: Fill a cup 1/3 full of vinegar and have child begin adding a spoonful of baking soda. The reaction is quick and looks like and eruption.

how do I teach children the value of apologizing?

"Let all my words be sweet,

one day I may have to eat them."

We want our children to learn the value of making amends and apologizing. I had often wondered why it is easier to teach kids to say please and thank you but to apologize...well, it's awkward. Often to force it upon children we see tight little jaws and clearly and apology that didn't come from the heart. Apologizing takes something out of us, doesn't it? It is the first sign and willingness to make things right with others and there is a humbleness to it.
We found a great activity to help even very young children learn the value of apologizing. It's called the Apology Garden. Here is what you'll need:

Making An Apology Garden with Young Children:

Materials: a large bowl, a half round styrofoam ball or Plasticine clay, a hot glue gun, lots of sugar free suckers, a whole puncher, small strips of paper and a pen.

The Process: Glue the styrofoam ball into the bowl. Plasticine clay never hardens and is a great substitute for foam. Place a few suckers in the bowl for a garden effect.

Procedure: Before starting, explain to the children that everyone makes mistakes. Making things right and feeling better means to make amends with that person. An apology is the best way to do that. Every time someone needs to make an apology or has made one, write it down on the strip of paper hole punched paper and place it through a lollipop. Place it standing up into the clay or foam ball. At the end of the week gather together and read of all the apologies and have that person it was made from be the giver of the lollipop.
Be sure to have plenty of lollipops because we all make mistakes we wish to make right.

Note: Let the children know that although making an apology is the first attempt to make things right, our words won't mean a thing to the other person if we keep doing it over and over again. Ask the children about more ways to make amends in addition to apologizing.

Teach young children steps to making amends:
*Explain what you did, be honest.
*Think about the fact that you may have hurt someone else, too.
*Do the best you know how to solve a problem.
*Remember to try not to do it again

how to help preschoolers communicate their feelings

Part of resolving conflicts with children is helping them communicate effectively. Someone can have great intentions or ideas but if they don't know how to get it across to others it will never be understood by others. Children learn by watching others, repeating and mimicking behaviors. Which is why what I say and do 'anywhere' is an opportunity to teach good or bad social skills and behaviors.
I have a simple technique that is easy to remember for helping preschoolers communicate their feelings while getting them across to others effectively.

Techniques For Helping Preschoolers Communicate Their Feelings:

When a situation has gotten heated it is best to wait until everyone calms down. Kids are naturally quick to forgive and play together so teaching effective communication tips before a situation arises is best. This is the phrase we teach our little ones.

"When you_______________,
 I feel/felt,______________,and what I need from you instead is_______________________."

We coach both preschoolers through the process and we start to see children get it on their own. I am also sure to model this myself as well as with puppets or in story telling. It's a wonderful feeling to see children defuse a situation with this technique!